Transparency, Female Heart
Let it all hang out, an expression that became quite popular in the late ‘60’s and ‘70’s, means relax, be yourself, be uninhibited and all THAT implies. Those of us who survived letting it all hang out, grew up, and then most of us chose to present to the world that we had it all together. Today we use the word, transparency. We demand best business and government practices include transparency to facilitate the flow of accurate information and communication. On a personal level, the Internet through Facebook, Twitter, personal blogs, and other similar sharing-type applications allows everyone to be “transparent” through its power of global visibility. The ease of transparency allows us to inundate the web with all sorts of personal communications and information through sharing who we are, where we are, and what we are doing, even our “likes” and “dislikes.” But for most of us there is still some filtering of the level of information we share with others…I hope, I hope!* From what I have seen and read, for the most part we choose to show our best faces and our best selves even in the age of transparency. We still let it all hang out… as long as we don’t reveal too much of our real selves.
Last month a friend visited, and we enjoyed a relaxing few days in the Texas Hill Country. We met up this summer after having lost touch with each other for about 18 years. During her visit, we had a lot of catching up to do. We talked pretty much non-stop for almost three days with a little time out for good food, delicious Mexican Martinis, and of course, some shopping. All that talking revealed that when we spent time together 18 years ago, we only shared some of ourselves; the parts that were the least painful and perhaps the most perfect. Thrilled that we had reconnected, I wonder with some regret if we had shared more of our real stories those many years ago, perhaps our friendship ties would have been stronger and we wouldn’t have drifted apart. But more than likely it is a coming of age thing; we have to learn the art of revealing our true selves. It’s a fine line between telling too much and not telling enough or perhaps nothing at all. Plus, we learn over time and through experience to whom we can safely reveal our vulnerabilities and our true selves.
I read a lot; my response to insomnia. Recently, I read several books by Elizabeth George, In Pursuit of the Proper Sinner and Believing the Lie, and Live Wire by Harlan Coben. A common theme among these three books is how silence or at the very least not speaking fully and truthfully when necessary may result in horrific unintended consequences. True these are exaggerated, but still believable, examples of what happens when you choose silence and deception with their ever-expanding ripples of lost chances and even personal destruction. At the end of these books, I was filled with sorrow and regret for the characters’ extreme losses. Perhaps it hit too close to my heart about certain instances of closing myself to others and to life experiences, while believing I was protecting myself. In reality I lost several opportunities to forge closer and stronger relationships and some one-of-a-kind adventures.
Now that I am in my fifties, on a quick ride to the next decade, I don’t worry so much about what others may think about who I am. I loudly and proudly exclaim, I don’t have it all together, plus I can’t do it all or even most of it, whatever IT is. I am quick to admit I need the help, friendship, and love of my circle of friends and family, and I do look for opportunities to expand that circle. I am no longer afraid to ask questions which may be a public admission of what little I really know. Ultimately, I am willing to share more of who I am with others. In return, I have met some incredibly amazing people, have more meaningful relationships, and definitely more adventures.
So, I offer these observations to you. Letting it all hang out and transparency in many instances may be a case of TMI. But definitely there are times when you should take that leap and reveal your true self. I can definitely guarantee that being closed to people and to experiences will lead to a very small life. Who wants a small life? Not me, I want a BIG LIFE!
Peace and Love to all!
*I never advocate sharing ALL about yourself on the Internet. As I am overly fond of saying, ” if you don’t want to read about it on the front page of the Houston Chronicle (my old hometown’s daily newspaper), don’t put it on the Internet.”
Love to all!
